Dealing with Intolerant People

“Some people find fault like there’s a reward for it.”   —Zig Ziglar

Being around intolerant people is no picnic. One common strategy is to avoid them. But that won’t work very easily if that critical person is inescapable like your spouse, boss, family member or coworker.

It’s important to remember that you have a choice on how you choose to react to them. Getting defensive or argumentative with them only aggravates the situation.

Intolerant people aren’t usually aware they’re being critical because their criticisms are a projection of their “stuff” onto someone else. If they’re not engaging in self-awareness, your pointing out their intolerance isn’t going to make any difference.

What do you do? Read on for helpful ways on how to deal with intolerant people.


Find Compassion Because They are Suffering.

An effective way to handle ignorance and intolerance is to stop focusing on their ignorance and intolerance. Shift your agitated mind to a sincere desire that these people become happy and feel loved. No one deliberately chooses to be ignorant. It’s likely that their ignorance and intolerance originated from their own suffering and conditioning.

It’s similar to how an abused dog wants to bite people. You feel sorry for the dog because it’s been abused and is suffering. Instead of focusing on how the dog wants to bite people, your attention is on your desire that the dog find peace and happiness because then the dog won’t want to bite.

“When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply

within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need

punishment; he needs help. That’s the message he is sending.”

                                                                                                                –Thich Nhat Hanh

When you find compassion for someone, it eases your frustration with them. Embrace the differences between you, and be grateful for the lessons they’re teaching you and the opportunities to develop deeper compassion.


Extend Kindness to Them.

Even though your egoic mind will vehemently argue against it, show them kindness anyway. There’s a powerful quote in the Peaceful Warrior movie: “The people who are the hardest to love are the ones who need it the most.”

Chances are they are intolerant toward others because they are intolerant toward themselves. They probably aren’t aware of it, but the people they can’t tolerate are a mirror. If they unconditionally loved themselves, they would have tolerance and acceptance for others.

They aren’t giving themselves what they need and deserve like love and acceptance. So, send them a little love. Give them a smile or a hug. As you open your heart to them, it makes it easier to crack open their hearts a little bit.


They Are in Your Life as Growth Opportunities.

“I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from

the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind;

yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers.”

                                                                                                 — Khalil Gibran

Everything and everyone you encounter is an opportunity to grow. The bigger the challenge, the greater the growth opportunity. Intolerant people are smack dab on the middle of your path for a reason. They are intentionally in your life to help you grow, especially those you can’t escape. Look for the lesson they offer you. What are they here to teach you?

Remember, we are each souls in this challenging Earth school. Some are in the primary classes while others are at university levels of enlightenment and love.

We are in different classrooms at various stages of development. When you’re intolerant of those at elementary levels, it pulls you back into the classroom on Acceptance 101. Didn’t you already pass that class?

Don’t get dragged into other people’s classrooms. You’re got your own classes down the hall.

When you encounter someone who is bigoted or narrow-minded, think of it as a pop quiz in acceptance of others at their level of growth. Ignore them. Let it go. Recognize they are providing you a chance to grow. Blessings sometimes come in the strangest ways.

About the Author

Robbie Holz

Robbie Holz is an internationally respected healer, medium, frequent media guest and an award-winning author.

Comments 6

    1. Blessings, Robbie, for such a great explanation of people’s contrariness. When I encounter family, friends, or strangers like that I ask myself, “What is it that I need to learn about myself in this situation?” And then I can be a blessing to them as well.

  1. I truly needed and loved this article. I am not sure how others found it but I was truly struggling with an “inescapable” person being overly critical and Intolerant for years. I do feel I am in a class down the hall and this article not only made my day with the lessons and a new perspective but I will take it to heart. I truly loved this. Amazing article Robbie.

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